The Bumblefucked Guide to Moving to a New State or City in a Bumblefucked Economy

The Bumblefucked household is on the move. Our apartment lease is up on the 24th and that means our rent payment of $625 has gone bye-bye.

But we don’t know where we’re going!

We’re spending two weeks staying with family in the area. Then we will spend at least one more week with another family member. Free rent rocks. But with the instability of no permanent home comes unemployment. So free rent doesn’t mean much if you’re not employed.

So, the Bumblefucked household has gotta make a move to a town that’s right for us. Clearly, I am thinking Funkytown. Sadly, when I go to Google maps and ask for directions to Funkytown I do not get anything! I thought it might take me to Detroit ( you know, Motown is kind of like Funkytown).

So, if you are making a move to a new state or city, how do you find a place that is right for you? Do you look for a job first and then just move to that place? Or do you pick a place first and then hope you can find employment in paradise?

In the past, we have just picked a place, moved there and crossed our fingers for employment. However, the economy is a horse of a different color these days, so to just pick a place and move without some economic consideration would just make you an assclown.

The Bumblefucked Guide to Moving to a New State or City in a Bumblefucked Economy:

Step one, consider for a moment where you would like to move to if a crappy economy was not a factor. Make a list of at least five of these places.

Step two, for the five places you got in step one, research the cost of living for each one. Look up the cost of housing to get a ballpark estimate of what you would spend. See if the states have state income taxes. Look for the state sales tax rate and see if there is a sales tax charged on food. Come up with a monthly amount you think it would cost you to live in each place.

Step three, go to PaycheckCity.com and plug in amounts for each state you are researching to see how much you would need to make pre-tax to afford the monthly total you came up with in step two. This way you will see how much will come out for state income taxes and whatnot. I find it the easiest to use an hourly amount and use the “basic hourly paycheck calculator” for this exercise.

Step four, look at the salary amount you came up with for each state in step three. Be realistic and decide if you can actually get paid that amount with your work history and qualifications. If not, cross those places off your list.

Step five, if no places are left on your list then go back to step one and repeat this process with five new places. If you do have places left, it is time to look at the economy in those states or cities.  You can find this info on the US Department of Labor website (assuming you are in the US).

Step six, after looking at the local and metropolitan area unemployment statistics, cross off any places that have unemployment higher than the national average. If you have no places left after this, return to step one and repeat process with five new places.  If you have only one place left, this is your winner! If you have more than one place left, continue to step seven.

Step seven, time to narrow down the pack! If possible, try to visit the remaining places on your list to pick the best place for you. Or, do your “visiting” online by visiting message boards and websites about the places you have left.  Then, you can use the info you have just gotten to make an informed decision with the remaining contenders.